Pain is a Loop

Just a short thought that I knew from books and have then been able to demonstrate in my own life: pain is a loop. Meaning, if there are many areas that aren't working right in your body or mind that cause pain, reducing one area may help the other areas improve. Easier said than done, right? But this may be something you want to "inventory" for yourself: "So, if I can't get the vestibulitis under control, is there another area that I can address?" Examples are:

• Allergies
• Hypothyroidism
• Mood problems (in my case, Bipolare 2 disorder)
• Nerve problems (see posts on nerve injections)
• Bladder problems
• Uterine problems
• Constipation (see post on my technique)
• Fibromyalgia
• Stress
• Unhappiness
• PTSD
• Mechanical problems with your body
• Fear of sex

For me, the most surprising thing that has helped the vestibulitis is staying on a diet that avoids my food allergies. One food I am sadly allergic to is chocolate. Chocolate cake will make the burning more intense the next day. Has this cured the vestibulitis? No. But any action I can take is worth it. Interestingly, the allergist said that my allergies are low-level. But avoiding problem foods seems to avoid additional inflammation. UPDATE 7/1/2015: After one year not eating chocolate without significant improvement, I am eating it again.

I take Allegra (Costco sells it least expensively) twice a day. I am also on Singulair to help my asthma, but it looks like it also may push back on allergies in general. Other allergy pills and preventive measures are out there.

Sex Coaching Versus Sex Therapy

I thought I would detail the difference between sex therapy and sex coaching. Often individuals or couples get outside help for a sexual relationship devastated by chronic genital pain. I have done sex therapy twice with my husband and am now in sex coaching with my husband.

In my experience:
Sex therapy explores the emotional repercussions of a crap sex life, alternate ways to connect as a couple, useless thinking patterns you have, and your personal history and sexual attitudes. You work with a state licensed psychologist or MFT and insurance covers it.

Sex coaching gets down to some more practical matters like damaged sexual egos, what you want to happen in your sexual relationship, and how to get it (within the reality of your pain). A coach is not state licensed and insurance does not cover it. Why? Because there is touching.

Whereas a licensed therapist may not make physical contact with you by law, a coach can. When I say that a coach can touch you,  it is not a given and you certainly have control over if and how this happens. The touching is always focused on a therapeutic outcome rather than just to "get it on" with the sex coach. It is less scary than it sounds. It is not a "let's have a threesome" deal.

I have had a good experience with both, but being the practical minded person that I am, I prefer the sex coach. Seeing sex therapists didn't do enough. As our first sex therapist proclaimed at the end of 12 sessions (imagine a southern accent), "Well, there's nothing wrong with your relationship, you just got a broken gynie". Thanks therapist.

By the way, you might feel uncomfortable telling other people about seeing a sex therapist or coach. I have found, however, that people have great respect for personal courage and your commitment to your relationship.

My sex coach is Danielle Harel located in Sunnyvale, California (south of San Francisco) and she comes with impressive academic and professional credentials. She has a relaxed "normal person" and is not going to make you someone you are not. http://www.celesteanddanielle.com/

Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome

Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome sounds awful to me and is the flipside of being in a state of lack of sexual arousal and aorgasmia that I associate with pelvic pain. But it, too, is associated with pelvic pain and pudendal neuropathy. Pudendalhope.info is a new resource to me that my mom found. The information below came from here and can be found in full (I only excerpted the symptoms) here: http://pudendalhope.info/sites/default/files/PGADNewsletterJune2013.pdf

Symptoms:

• A constant feeling of being on the verge of orgasm, with our without genital engorgement.

• Spontaneous orgasms (including numerous spontaneous orgasms that may come in waves).

• Shocks that cause a feeling of painful mini-orgasms.

• Inability to sleep or concentrate on normal activities due to the constant feeling of arousal.

• Spontaneous arousal awakening the person from sleep, this may be associated with sexual or non-sexual dreams and awakening with painful orgasms.

• In women, a feeling of vaginal penetration.

• In women, a feeling of sexual arousal in the clitoris, labia, and vagina (in one or all of these areas) that may be accompanied by excessive vaginal wetness.

• Males may have spontaneous unpleasant and unwanted erections with ejaculation.

• The arousal is not relieved by one or more orgasms.

• The arousal may be accompanied by pain or itching or both.

• The arousal may be accompanied by a constant feeling of needing to urinate.

• The arousal may be increased by sitting or by stimuli that
would not normally be associated with sexual excitement
such as vibrations while riding in the car or from loud music.

• Sexual thoughts or non-sexual stimuli may cause a
feeling of electricity or buzzing along the course of
the pudendal nerve.

• Sexual feelings in other areas of the pelvis such as the
anal area, low back, groin, or thighs.

• Extreme sexual arousal feelings with engorgement
(feeling like you might explode).

• Throbbing or “sexual” toothache in genital area
(may just be on one side).