Topicals

Update Nov. 17, 2016
My current favorite is called V Magic and is available on Amazon. It is a non-petroleum based ointment.

From the original post, I recently learned that I should/could have tried testosterone and progesterone creams.

I have also tried Capacin Cream...once...never again.

And there is a medical marijuana product called Foria for female vaginal pain. I haven't used it yet, but ordered it.


ORIGINAL POST
You have likely experimented with various topicals to improve your vulvar symptoms. These are all safe according to dermatologists, pain specialists, and vulvar pain specialists that I have asked.

My favorites are:

• 1% Hydrocortizone (over the counter) reduces inflammation and builds up your skin thickness (at higher levels, it actually deteriorates skin health and thins out the tissue. Don't use a higher level);
• KY Silk-E, (over the counter) provides protection against rubbing when the pain isn't too bad;
• Acid Mantle Cream (over the counter) to use when your burning is bad;
• Crisco (my new favorite);
• Hydrogen Peroxide used just before the Crisco.

These treatments have not worked for me:

• Lidocain and Prilocaine Cream 2.5%/2.5% (prescription) numbs your nerves, but burns;
• Lidocain Hydrochloride Jelly 2% (prescription), numbs your nerves, but burns;
• Lidoderm Lidocaine Patches 5% (prescription), numbs you out, a hassle to apply - it adheres like a sticker onto your vulva;
• Estrace Cream .01% (prescription), builds up skin thickness, but also affects your overall estrogen; levels
• Elidel 1% (prescription), an immunosuppressant typically used for eczema;
• Chromyln custom-made in a grape-seed oil base (prescription), anti-allergy.

I have not tried the following (although these are also doctor recommended):

• Capacin Cream (over the counter), supposed to burn like hell, but kill off nerve hyper-sensation;
• Estrogen and Androgen Cream custom-made (prescription), a relatively new idea.

Sex and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

More from the article titled "Strategies and Techniques for Revitalizing a Nonsexual Marriage" by Barry W. McCarthy and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in the fall of 1997. It focuses on problem-solving the emotional (but not the physical) blocks in a nonsexual relationship. In short, it provides a treatment plan to "get it on". Not having sex creates, and then sustains, anxiety and avoidance. Sexual problems do not plateau, but get worse and worse over time. It notes that emotional inhibitions are hard to overcome and sets out a cognitive behavioural therapy approach to rebuilding a sexual relationship as a couple.

A short summary:
1. Address your sexual issues through communication and by making consistent physical connections;
2. Set a goal for how often you will have a "non-demanding" sexual experience (with a recommendation of at least once a month).
3. Set a 6-month follow-up with your sex therapist to be accountable to him or her.

Then there is the typical stuff of going on "dates", ditching the kids, expanding your ideas of sex, finding erotic ways to connect, creating imaginative sexual scenarios, and making sexual requests. Blah, blah. I've heard that all before. But in my mind, if you don't really explore the fundamental emotional blocks that got you here in the first place, all the extras of a thrilling, uninhibited sex life won't ever happen.

Finally, after you do all the therapy work and have met with some success, the researcher urges the implementation of "a relapse prevention program to ensure gains are maintained". This concept is realistic, useful, and still makes me very sad. Vestibulitis can feel like one big never-ending "relapse."

At the end of 12 weeks of couples sex therapy, our Southern sex therapist pronounced, "Well, there is nothing wrong with your relationship, you just need to work on your "gynie" (the phrasing surprised me). So basically, we were back to the vestibulitis problem that we started with. That being said, therapy might be something to try. You and your partner are probably screwed up (no pun intended) about sex after being a sexual dud. No offense.

Dysfunctional Sexual Statistics

A few statistic to share from an article titled "Strategies and Techniques for Revitalizing a Nonsexual Marriage" by Barry W. McCarthy and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in the fall of 1997 given to me by my husband's and my sex therapist. When sexuality is positive and integrated in a marriage, it contributes 15% to 20% of the marriage's well-being.  When sexuality is dysfunctional or not happening at all, it contributes 50% to 70% of negative emotion about a marriage. Bad sex undermines a relationship more than good sex promotes satisfaction in your coupling. Interesting disparity. This could be quite depressing, but as an optimist, I am able to turn it around and think, "Well, good sex wouldn't be doing that much for us anyway."

The research set the criterion for "bad sex" as being sexual less than 10 times a year in married or unmarried couples (probably heterosexual). By that definition, 20% of married couples and 40% of unmarried couples that have been involved for at least 2 years are in a non-sexual relationship. This can be tough on a relationship. When my husband and I meet with a new doctor for the first time, the first reaction the doctor has it to congratulate us on still being married and compliments my husband for his support and understanding. Kinda sad. I guess most couples don't make it. At least that's what the doctors say.