WELCOME

Edit: I WAS CURED AFTER 22 YEARS! I had a vestibulectomy Dec. 2016. The recovery was easier for me than having sex ever was. It took about 5 weeks. I have included my recovery photos. Look for the blogpost "I'm Cured!" and "My Vestibulectomy".

I’m a great woman with a pissed-off vulva. I have “primary vestibulitis." Most people are uncomfortable discussing their genital pain in public. My hope is that my obsession to find help for myself will make your experience shorter, easier, and less painful. P.S. Recently "vestibulitis" has been renamed to "vestibulodynia."


Sex Coaching Versus Sex Therapy

I thought I would detail the difference between sex therapy and sex coaching. Often individuals or couples get outside help for a sexual relationship devastated by chronic genital pain. I have done sex therapy twice with my husband and am now in sex coaching with my husband.

In my experience:
Sex therapy explores the emotional repercussions of a crap sex life, alternate ways to connect as a couple, useless thinking patterns you have, and your personal history and sexual attitudes. You work with a state licensed psychologist or MFT and insurance covers it.

Sex coaching gets down to some more practical matters like damaged sexual egos, what you want to happen in your sexual relationship, and how to get it (within the reality of your pain). A coach is not state licensed and insurance does not cover it. Why? Because there is touching.

Whereas a licensed therapist may not make physical contact with you by law, a coach can. When I say that a coach can touch you,  it is not a given and you certainly have control over if and how this happens. The touching is always focused on a therapeutic outcome rather than just to "get it on" with the sex coach. It is less scary than it sounds. It is not a "let's have a threesome" deal.

I have had a good experience with both, but being the practical minded person that I am, I prefer the sex coach. Seeing sex therapists didn't do enough. As our first sex therapist proclaimed at the end of 12 sessions (imagine a southern accent), "Well, there's nothing wrong with your relationship, you just got a broken gynie". Thanks therapist.

By the way, you might feel uncomfortable telling other people about seeing a sex therapist or coach. I have found, however, that people have great respect for personal courage and your commitment to your relationship.

My sex coach is Danielle Harel located in Sunnyvale, California (south of San Francisco) and she comes with impressive academic and professional credentials. She has a relaxed "normal person" and is not going to make you someone you are not. http://www.celesteanddanielle.com/



Book: Explain Pain

I recently read "Explain Pain" by Butler and Moseley. While not focused on vulvodynia, it explains pain pathways and why pain persists. It is expensive and I couldn't believe my P.T. really thought I should spend the money, but I am glad I did. It A few lessons I took away in addition to a much better understanding of the biological contributors to pain:

1. Pain experiences are a normal response to what your brain things is a threat.
2. The amount of pain does not necessarily correspond to the amount of tissue damage.
3. Current pain does not mean that you are actively being damaged at this moment, but your brain has become sensitized and begins to involve all parts of your body in responding to it.
4. Management includes not just medical interventions, but how you understand of pain and how to cope, how you interpret pain, avoid pain, and what fears you bring to being in pain.

It includes detailed descriptions of how each part of your body interacts to maintain a pain experience. Having a better understanding reduced my freak-out level.

The healing modality it details does not translate to vulvodynia and the authors are working on this in consultation with pelvic pain experts.